When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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