Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it wasn't lemon gatorade
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
