fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
