she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize