I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
