And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
