So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it's like iHOP with fire
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
