you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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