My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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