Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
