According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize