I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
