Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
