Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
this hospital has no fireball
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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