I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
