i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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