I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
