She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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