he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
