yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
