Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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