i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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