I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
