Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize