Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
