last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
