I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
