I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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