It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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