I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
