i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
