So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The Olympian is in my bed
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
