oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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