She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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