I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
