this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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