"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
