well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize