She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
