did you get engaged???
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
