I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
