The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize