You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
