Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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