Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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