420 ftw
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
