Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
