You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
