Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize