Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All the doctor said was why
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
