Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just found puke in my bra..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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