I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize