I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
