Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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