i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
