yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
