Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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