Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
