It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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