I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
