i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
