Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
