I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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