fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
