Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if only i could text you this smell
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
