So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
