do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
