Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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