she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just high enough for therapy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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