New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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