What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
