drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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