we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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