Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize