so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
