I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
