Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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