Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
