i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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