Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
