Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
