for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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