My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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