don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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