I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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