My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
