Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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