Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
