omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
