it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
