So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
