Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
