Where is the hickey?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
