We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize