I hate your face
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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