i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
God, I missed his penis.
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