I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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