I think I died a long time ago.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
