Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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