she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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