Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
