the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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