you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Randomize
