theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
