It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
