Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
