Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
