Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
