meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
