I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize