yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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